Fabulous at Fifty?
Someone posted on David's FB wall on his birthday a
couple of weeks ago that fifty is the new forty, whatever that means! Since
most of you probably know that I am a scant 17 days behind him in hitting this
milestone, I started thinking about just what it means to begin the 6th decade
of your life.
David was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 25, so
honestly, we have wondered for years what his health would be like at 50.
Having watched his dad's health deteriorate through his thirties and forties as
a result of this disease, we expected to deal with many of those same
complications. By age 50, David's dad had multiple health issues related to his
diabetes. Fortunately, David has very few complications from this insidious disease so far. I have
had a couple of breast biopsies in the last year or so and have been battling
some other issues, and of course, we both have the aches and pains that come
with aging and not living the healthy lifestyle that we should, but, overall,
we are both incredibly fortunate to be in good health.
For me, turning 50 has caused me to look back on my life,
more so than at any other age. I guess I was too busy at 30 and 40 to be
introspective. While I don't know that I would say I am "struggling",
I can say that this milestone has caused me to do some serious reflection on
past decisions and behavior. What I see in the rear view mirror pleases me in
some places, not so much in others.
·
I see a young woman who found the love of her
life very early, at age 15. He didn't see that nor did our parents, but
I knew just a few weeks after I met him that David was "the one”.
·
I see a young woman who was so eager to be a
wife and mother that I took the easy road in college just to get out as quickly
as possible instead of challenging myself more. I should have been a nurse or a teacher and left the business degrees to someone else.
·
I see the look of sheer joy and sheer panic on
David’s face when both of our children were born and knowing that mine looked
the same.
·
I see a very young, clueless and impatient mom
who missed many moments of my children's lives because I was busy cleaning
house or something equally unimportant.
·
I see a young father who, in a span of less than 6 months, had to deal with a
diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes at 25 and the illness and death of his mother all
while working himself to death to care for his wife and young daughter.
·
I see all the up and downs in David’s dad’s health as years of diabetes took a huge toll on his body,
including the miracle of him receiving a donated heart and kidney in 1994, but
then ending with his death 9 years later.
·
I see the sudden death of David’s dear Uncle
Buds in August of 2002 that nearly killed all of us.
·
I see the suffering of my mom as she battled
breast cancer and lost in March of 2003, the death of David's dad in August of 2003 and how hard it was for Mandy and Matthew to lose so many loved ones in such a short period of time, yet still feeling relief that Memaw and Poppy weren't suffering anymore.
·
I see a lot of financially difficult times. I
remember lots of conversations with my kids about why they couldn't have the
"stuff" that their friends had and why we couldn't go to the beach or
Disneyworld every summer.
·
I see the conversations as they got older that
told me that all those lean days were worth every gray hair. I remember one in
particular when I went to work full time, right after Mandy got her driver’s
license. Of course, things were tough, extra car insurance, gas, etc. so the
timing seemed right. After a few months, Mandy and Matthew came to me one day
and said, “We don’t need your money, we need you.” I quit and came home.
·
I see many hot, cold, rainy days at the ballpark
with Matthew and Mandy, cheering them on in baseball and softball, church
basketball, rec league basketball, and then later cheerleading and high school
baseball. I am thankful that we made it
to most games, and I think it meant a lot to them that David and I were there.
Certainly there was no place we wanted to be more. When David had to travel and
miss games, I would stay on the phone with him constantly, trying to provide
play by play so he wouldn’t miss out.
·
I see lots of church activities, teaching
children’s choir, children’s Sunday School, nursery duty, singing in the adult
choir, Adoration (the a capella group David and I sang with for many years), and
all sorts of other activities at CBCFC for the past 24 years. We made a
conscious effort to teach our children that church community was important and
not something you did when there wasn't anything better to do.
·
I see many years of not always being the kind of
wife I should have been, yet always knowing that I was loved,
valued and cherished by one of the finest men I have ever met.
·
I see the unthinkable nightmare of losing a
daughter to a random accident and watching our world change forever in just a
few hours.
·
I see the pain in David’s eyes when we went to
the car after we said goodbye to Mandy for the last time, and I hear the sound as he sobbed in my arms that
night and being helpless to take away the pain.
·
I see Matthew looking so lost and yet trying to
be so brave because that is what teenagers do, knowing that his biggest fan and
fiercest protector was gone and again, being helpless to take away the pain.
·
I see the day that David was asked to be the
Worship Leader at CBCFC for Catalyst, just a little over a year after Mandy
died. I see the joy and purpose that this “job” has brought him and the passion
with which he plans and leads worship each week over the last 7 years.
·
I see and remember meeting Caroline for the
first time and knowing that this was someone very special.
·
I see Matthew struggling through college, but
never giving up on his dream of being an engineer, all with Caroline right
beside him, pushing him and encouraging him.
·
I see Matthew’s pride in Caroline as she
received her degree and met her goal of being a deaf interpreter.
·
I see the look on Matthew’s face as he watched
Caroline walk down the aisle to become his wife.
·
I see the look of absolute joy on David’s face every
time I walk in a room that still amazes me after all these years and
reminds me of just how blessed I am to receive that kind of love.
There are SO many more things I could list here, but the
bottom line is that we have a wonderful son and daughter in law of whom we are
extremely proud, and we have each other. We also have a loving God who walks through both the good times and the bad ones with us, holding us in His arms as we continue to strive each day to be His hands and feet here on earth. Ultimately, I can say that in our house,
despite some real struggles over the years, fifty truly is fabulous and I can’t
wait to see what the next decade will hold.
