Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Words Matter

Words have the ability to both hurt and heal. All of us know that, and yet we find ourselves saying hurtful things that we don't mean, often to the very people we love the most. We had a month long challenge at work last week,  and each of us choose something we wanted to improve on in our own lives. My challenge was not to "complain" at work or at home, for the entire month. I forced myself to think through everything that I wanted to say and decide both whether or not to say it out loud, and also whether or not it was kind, unkind, or even necessary. To say it was an eye-opening experience is quite the understatement. While I NEVER intend to be hurtful, I realized during the course of the challenge that my directness often comes across as complaining and can be perceived as unkind by the recipient if I'm not extremely careful. I learned all over again that "words matter", especially in the way that they are delivered, both in good ways and in bad.

After successfully finishing this challenge on Thursday, I was reminded again on Saturday that words matter for a very long time, albeit in a different way. While re-arranging my curio cabinet, I found a letter sent to us a couple of weeks after Mandy's death. I'd like to share it with you, not just because of the kind and wonderful things said about Mandy, but as a reminder of the lasting power of our words and actions. This lady did not have to sit down and pen this lovely, handwritten letter to us, yet she took the time to do so, allowing us a small glimpse into a side of Mandy's life and personality that we had NO way of knowing otherwise. When you encounter those who are grieving or struggling in some way, take the time to send them a note on FB, a quick text, or a card. Better yet, go somewhere and sit with them; listen to their words and really hear them for a change instead of trying to give them answers or guidance. Anything you can do to let people know they are loved and that someone cares for them is valuable; one small gesture could give them something to smile about during long and difficult days. That’s just a small part of what being Jesus is all about but it's an extremely important one. As for the words below, I know they most certainly made us smile again on Saturday (and yes, maybe shed a tear or two as well.)

September 17, 2006

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Harrell,


I was unable to attend Mandy's memorial service, but I want very much to write to you and tell you how very, very sorry I am for your tragic loss. 


I sat next to Mandy in the St. John's Choir. I've been a paid soloist there for many years now, and I have to tell you that her addition to the choir was nothing short of pure joy. She could sightread ANYTHING-I was always marveling at her tremendous confidence and musicality. Sitting next to her was such a great pleasure. 


And truthfully, we just adored her. We always wanted to see her latest pedicure and the latest pair of adorable shoes.....I think I was always touched at how she would talk to all the old, middle-aged women like we were just her friends-she never us feel like we were "old fogeys" or boring, silly old ladies. She was charming and sweet with a generous, kindly nature.  


That last Sunday, we were standing together in the back of the church, waiting for the service to start and the choir to process up to the choir stalls at the front. I noticed her new haircut that she'd gotten since I had last seen her. I whispered to her, "Mandy, your new haircut makes you look like you stepped out of a Renaissance painting-you look like a Renaissance angel." She just smiled-she was used to getting compliments and she never let them go to her head.


She is, of course, a real angel now- and more gloriously alive than any of us here. SO many people you have never met have cried with you these past heartwrenching days. We pray for your comfort through God's generous grace and love, and hope that the knowledge that Mandy touched the lives of many people in her short, sweet life will give you strength.


I picture her now, with angels resplendent in brilliant robes, gathered in heavenly choirs singing glorious praises to the Lord. And, as the chorus ends and they move with grace away from the light filled church, they gather around our little Mandy and ask to see her new golden sandals and her pretty pedicure. 


What a blessing she was to us. What a blessing she is to them now. God bless you and all of your family. 



PRICELESS-all because this lovely woman took a few minutes out of her busy day to minister to us through her memories of our precious Mandy. Be Jesus to those around you today in whatever way you can, and never think that there is nothing you can do, because even words matter.


P.S. Thank you for all of the kindness shown toward David and me as he leaves his position as Worship Leader at CBCFC. We have felt such love and gratitude in every word spoken-whether in person or via the many lovely notes we've received. Rest assured that each and every one those words will be carried in our hearts as we move to this next chapter of life. As I said above, words matter.