New Beginnings......and Some Age Old Questions, too.

As most of you have heard by now, David left the company he had worked with for 8 years to take a position as the Director of Development and Community Relations with the Salvation Army in Knoxville. This ended his way of life of the last 15 or so years-the life of a traveling salesman. On June 5, he started working 8 am-4:30 pm and, for the most part, gets to come home to me every night. (No sarcasm please! J) To say that we are beyond thrilled is an understatement. Travel takes a toll on a healthy person, so it is particularly challenging for someone with a chronic illness like diabetes. He has managed incredibly well over the years, but it is very difficult to keep tight control over your blood sugar in a hotel room alone at night with no one around to recognize a low blood sugar that can kill you. Needless to say, I am relieved that I will no longer have to worry when he doesn’t answer the phone in the morning, and I am so grateful that he has been given an opportunity to serve this community with a great organization.

Another life changing event was the death of our 2 miniature schnauzers, Hank and Thumper. The boys had been with us 14 ½ and 12 ½ years, respectively. Hank just became ill about 4 months ago and Thumper shortly after that. As is often said, the right thing to do is rarely the easiest, but very little can prepare you for the time when you have to say goodbye to the unconditional love of one dog, let alone two. Thumper had not lived without Hank since he was 9 weeks old. That attachment was so strong that we knew Thumper would have spent whatever time he had left both ill and grieving for his Hank, so we did the right thing, I think, and made sure that they were together forever.

David had applied for hundreds of job and gotten very few interviews, probably a combination of age coupled with the poor job market. When this job listing appeared, he was hesitant to even apply, as he really was not qualified based on their job description. However, as I have said through the whole process, all they can do is throw your resume out......it never hurts to apply. When he received the call asking for an interview, we were flabbergasted. So many resumes sent in with no responses for jobs that looked like the “perfect” job on paper, and the Salvation Army wanted to talk? At this point, David was jumping on any opportunity for an interview, as we felt certain that his current job would be drastically changed at the first of July.

After lots of research about the organization, interview day came. After a 2 hour long interview, he called and told me, “Wow, that might be the best interview I have ever had”. He came home, sent thank you emails to all of the participants and received a reply an hour later that said, “...we will be in touch soon about a second interview”. I think that was the first point at which either one of us gave any serious consideration that this job might be a real possibility.

The second interview took some time to schedule. The Salvation Army willingly waited 3 weeks to get David back in for the second interview with members of their Advisory Board. During that time, David began to research the organization and their mission. After another 1 ½ long interview on a Wednesday, he was told they would make a decision within 3-4 days. He headed off to Alabama for a food show on Monday......no call. He told me on Monday evening that he felt very comfortable that he would have heard if they were going to offer the position by then, but he did comment, “You know, at this point, I think I would have to consider a job offer from the Salvation Army as divine intervention, as we both know I am not qualified and it is crazy that I even got an interview in the first place.” Tuesday came and went.....still no call. On Tuesday evening, at dinner with his boss, he was told that on July 1, he would still be expected to do the same amount of traveling and sell the same dollar amount but his salary would be cut by over 40%. As you can well imagine, Tuesday night was a sleepless night for both of us, not over the money as much as the knowledge that he simply could not continue to travel this way and maintain his health and my sanity, especially for so little pay. On Wednesday, he finished up in Alabama and started home. Around 6 pm, he received a call from Major Villafuerte, the commander of the Knoxville Division of the Salvation Army, during which he was offered the position. He called me a few minutes later in tears to tell me the news.

Those of you who know me well realize how much I struggle with the role that God plays in our daily lives. While I am not suggesting that He is not with us and concerned about us, I really struggle with the idea that He is in complete control of every aspect of what happens to us. After all, if He “is control”, then why in the world were we given the free will to make choices? Do we just have the illusion of free will and He controls all the choices we make, like a puppet master? Should we ask for guidance on jobs, where to go to school or who to marry-does God really care about any of that? Is David’s new job a product of “divine intervention”? And furthermore, if He really is in control of everything that happens, then does that mean God killed my daughter? Does that mean God caused David to have diabetes or caused his horrible childhood? Why would I want to serve a God that could possibly be that cruel? Furthermore, why do we give God both blame and credit all the time? If there is a God who is inherently good then why don’t we accept that there are evil forces (you can call them Satan or use whatever name you choose) at work on this earth as well? I wrestle with these questions on a daily basis, and I suspect most of you do as well, whether you are willing to admit it or not.

I have come to the conclusion that having these questions is OK. As a matter of fact, I think questioning is part of what God expects of us in our relationship with Him. Blind obedience to some unseen force is not a relationship. Asking God why things happen the way they do, where He was and why He didn't do something to stop tragedy doesn’t diminish my faith or His power-it just serves to remind me that we live in an imperfect world, full of imperfect people who make really horrendous decisions every day. Those decisions past, present and future impact those that make them, and sometimes innocent bystanders and the world at large, either immediately or somewhere down the line. A mature, healthy relationship with our creator gives us the space and the freedom to wrestle with the hard stuff. Prayers and conversations with Him allow us to know Him more, to know His heart more, and to become more like Him every day. Through Bible study and community with others who are asking these same questions, Holy Spirit gently nudges me toward a more complete relationship with Christ. 

Ultimately, some answers won't be found on this side of eternity. However, it is up to me to nurture my relationship with God so that if there is an answer to whatever questions I might have, I am listening closely enough to hear it.